Issue #12: Falling Behind
Falling + Behind = a phrase that shouldn't exist.
My sister was in her final year, in a school I’d fled from months earlier. My move to a new school, shifted me from a 6-year secondary school system to a 5-year one. Consequently, I would graduate ahead of the peers I’d started secondary school with. During visiting day (when families visited their children with warm home food), a friend of mine proudly announced to a group of senior girls that I would graduate at the same time as them. She was antagonising them, as if to say: “look! Last year you were her seniors, now you’re peers.” I remember the look on one girl’s face: shock and irritation. Of course, I was proud.
It wasn’t my first time skipping a grade. I’d taken the common entrance exam in primary 5 and jumped to JSS1. Therefore, I was two-years ahead of the peers I started school with. A thing of pride then, a thing of no significance now.
What did I really achieve by skipping classes and feeling superior for it? An ‘achievement’ for bragging rights then has lost its value.
Society has programmed us to view us and our peers as tracksuit wearing individuals at the start line of a race, with eyes on the finish line tape, our hearts pumped with the single goal of finishing ahead of the others, to avoid being labeled as the one who fell behind.
Photo by Austris Augusts on Unsplash
Allowing my identity to become ‘the one who got good grades,’ was a huge mistake. I’m grateful that I struggled with my grades at some point, someone had to pop that balloon of delusion. But because I compared myself to others, I felt like I was falling behind, and would never amount to anything. Without the grades, who was I? Naturally, I’m only making the realisation now and feeling gratitude for the experience – corporate life would do that to you, turn you into a reflection guru in only your third decade.
We currently live in a world fascinated with banning things, can’t we ban the phrase, falling behind?
My take: the world would be a better place without lists of successful people under certain ages, and things to do before certain ages lists.
I’m not denying that certain opportunities or achievements become harder to access as we age, not at all. In my opinion, everyone should be encouraged to live purposeful lives from their teenage years, to increase the chances of more productive individuals in the world. But life happens. Let’s not make people feel bad if they achieved something at 50, when someone else did at 18. The important thing is to try, and keep on trying, without the fear of falling behind.
I still face the fear occasionally, but I’ve learnt to curl my toes, close my eyes and focus on the present. It’s difficult, but we must learn to control our minds so the myth of falling behind doesn’t take over our peace.
Resources
How Falling Behind Can Get You Ahead | David Epstein | TEDxManchester