Issue #13: Is time a healer or a ticking time bomb?
5,4,3,2,1… Chaos or Peace?
Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash
The concept that we forget our anger and disappointments with time, in my opinion, isn’t entirely accurate. There are times when I’ve struggled to remember why I’m upset with someone. Then, there are times when I can’t stop the replays in my mind. In both cases, vague memories of the negative feelings remain, even when the cause wasn’t always clear.
With maturity, and perhaps, because of new responsibilities or problems, we box our past hurts and disappointments into the discard pile that’s labeled: ‘I have greater problems than this.’
Other times, the negative feelings find a spot in our mind, occasionally raising their hands up, as if to say, ‘Hey! I’m here! Hi! Look at me! Listen to me! We’re still hurt or disappointed by that person. Hi!’ We try our best to ‘move on,’ to turn the feelings redundant.
I’ve observed from others too, how their silence isn’t real, but rather a hush that’s quietly accumulating until it gets to a popping off stage. No one wants that. The unfiltered rage that stems out is usually regrettable for both parties. Not always. There’s also the shame of recognising our culpability in allowing another person’s actions to carve a chest in our minds.
Worse, when we’ve been hurt or disappointed, our minds don the cloak of suspicion whenever we think the person is out to get us again. Even when they’re doing us a favour, we think, ‘this kindness is suspicious… What are they trying to cover up now?’
Why is it that, I’m quick to forgive things done to me in adulthood, but childhood memories of hurt or disappointment have been too difficult to erase? Does that mean I still have that childhood image of myself somewhere within me that’s stubbornly refusing to let go? As opposed to the adult that gets hurt or disappointed, and thinks, ‘I’ll get over this,’ ‘maybe they’re going through something,’ etc.
To truly move on, we need to understand that holding onto rage only bounces back against us, and the countless imaginations of finally speaking up, if we never plan to do so only creates headaches – and no one wants that. Painkillers are becoming too expensive these days.
Resources
Mastering The Art Of Letting Go - Leo Babauta