Issue #20: Chosen without preparation
When you’re picked before you pick yourself.
Dear Reader,
“Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it.”
― Marcus Aurelius, The Emperor's Handbook
How many times have you tried something because others wanted you to do so, only to fall flat on your face?
The Mirror
The medal before the practice.
Just do it.
I took that advice on two occasions and fell on my face.
No. 1: In secondary school, some teachers convinced me to campaign for a role in the student council. I had no interest in joining the student council. Furthermore, campaigning meant giving a speech in front of the entire school (we weren’t much, probably about 50 students then). A speech in front of people I rarely spoke to due to my excessive reserved nature, especially back then. I’d say I’ve improved somewhat.
The teacher’s arguments were, you’re disciplined, upright, etc. They wanted me to run because I looked like I could be good at it.
I wish I had a copy of my speech. I stuttered through it, head bowed, before sauntering back to my seat.
Result: I got 4 or 6 votes. Thank you, voters! Of course I didn’t join the council, I wasn’t voted in.
No 2: During A-Levels, our house had the unfortunate issue of not having many athletes to participate in the end of year sports day. One of closest friends had been named the head of our house, so as a favour to her, I didn’t runaway when she asked me to participate in the long-distance race.
I’d never done that before. I should have at least googled strategies or something.
My friend’s argument was that I looked like I’d be a good runner. I’m not bad. Spoiler alert: the wind does most of the work for me, I have a stature that’s easy for it to play with.
The shot went off, and OFF I went, speeding instead of pacing myself. I gave everyone else a HUGE gap that they later closed because, well, I was tired.
[Sorry S!]
Result: I finished second to last.
Lesson: those who start off with a bang can easily lose momentum if they don’t pace themselves, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Take it easy.
For a long time after both cases, I screamed in my pillow and laughed at myself. I don’t regret my choices anymore because the embarrassment has faded.
I procrastinated starting this newsletter to spare myself from public humiliation if I erred, but I’ve survived two already. What could be worse?
The Echo
Hannah Waddingham, from the hit TV Series, Ted Lasso, had this to say about her former drama teacher:
“I had one drama teacher that said to the whole class: ‘Oh Hannah will never work on screen because she looks like one side of her face has had a stroke,'” the actress said. “I thought, I will do. Come hell or high water, I will work on screen.”
The drama teacher didn’t see her talent, or hard work. She chose to concentrate on Hannah’s face.
There are times when we’re chosen for the wrong reasons or dismissed for the same. There are times when the medals come before we’re ready, and their golden sheen turns into a rusty cage, as has happened in the lives of many public figures.
Think of child beauty pageants (a horror that shouldn’t exist), where young girls are chosen for their looks, and taught from a fragile age that their looks form their identities.
What matters isn’t what people see in you, but your self-motivation to develop into the person you want to be.
The Grounding
List all the things you’ve done outside your comfort zone because someone else thought you looked the part and make another column of things you’ve done outside your comfort zone because you wanted to.
The Lens
Not all ribbons hold medals.
The Shelf
Elizabeth Zott wanted to become a scientist, a successful one, taken seriously without gender bias. Alas, misogyny temporarily won and she had to choose an alternative career, one she ‘looked suited for.’
But, once a scientist, always a scientist. She took her skills to her new career, transforming herself and the industry.
“Whenever you feel afraid, just remember. Courage is the root of change - and change is what we're chemically designed to do. So when you wake up tomorrow, make this pledge. No more holding yourself back. No more subscribing to others' opinions of what you can and cannot achieve. And no more allowing anyone to pigeonhole you into useless categories of sex, race, economic status, and religion. Do not allow your talents to lie dormant, ladies. Design your own future. When you go home today, ask yourself what YOU will change. And then get started.”
― Bonnie Garmus, Lessons in Chemistry
Before You Go
Question the intentions behind your choices, not to pile on the self-doubt monster within us, but to ensure that you’re the wheel behind them. Life doesn’t always bend to our dreams, our plans don’t always manifest in the way we assumed, but let us not in a rush to cross the finishing line because the fear of becoming last (or second to the last) might end up happening.
I do hope you get more than 4/6 votes if you decide to join politics, as long as it’s what YOU want to do.
Until next week,
Spring4th.