Issue #29: Second Chances
Are second chances always good?
Dear Reader,
The belief in second chances is vital for our sanity. Knowing that a mistake we made today can be remedied tomorrow eases anxieties and paranoia. Life will always have hurdles, and we shouldn’t resign ourselves to failure when we fall into error.
But the concept of second chances has also been abused for too long, especially with regards to relationships (work, family, friendships, etc.)
The Mirror
Is it possible to offer second chances to people with genuine clean slates, erasing the anger and hurt we’d piled up?
Is it healthy to continue looking the other way until the dagger’s tip suddenly strikes?
Forgiveness is praised, highly praised.
Forgiveness is good, very good.
Unfortunately, we fail to understand that it’s possible to forgive someone, wholeheartedly, while desiring to keep a safe distance from them. That action is protection, not a mark of black hearts that collect grudges, but necessary protection.
I used to view the people around me, blessed with an endless capability to forgive with frustration. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised that they possessed great strength that I couldn’t see or appreciate.
Looking the other way doesn’t make one weak, rather it could be a strategy because as life has shown me, people will eventually expose themselves with their own actions. If one had reacted then, fighting back with harsher words, acting as silly as the other party, then both would eventually land with the same title of: booboo the fool.
Looking the other way means rising above pettiness and maintaining a cordial relationship. There’s no obligation to erase the wrong that was done to us. Forgiveness doesn’t mean access. Perhaps, you were added to a feud you had no inkling about. Or, you got added based on your relationship to one of the erring parties. Either way, there’s really no obligation to let people back into your personal space when they walked out voluntarily and violently.
The Lens
Clarity emerges, eventually.
The Grounding
Try to form the habit of cleansing your heart from anger before you go to sleep. In my religion, Islam, there’s a belief that sleep is a form of death, and your soul might not return to you. Why waste time colouring your heart black? Life is a constant trial, and the way we react is what ultimately differentiates us.
The Shelf
“The Uses of Sorrow” by Mary Oliver
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
Before You Go
Sincere advice: don’t add people to issues that don’t concern them. Having a problem with A, shouldn’t mean involving Z. Because, when things calm down, you’ll realise that while A might shake your hand, Z is under no obligation to do the same.
Life is too short.
Until next week,
The Spring4th Lab.